The Crisis: Life Before MKP
Personal Struggles
In the eighth year of my third marriage, I found myself wondering if I would ever have a partner who loved me independent of anything I had done in the past or might do in the future. I was feeling like a failure in marriage, with this being my third attempt at finding lasting love.
Multiple Losses and Separations
The challenges seemed overwhelming:
- Both my parents had died in the previous two years
- I had been separated for eight years from my son from my second marriage, only talking to him twice weekly and seeing him a few weeks each year when he visited from his distant home
- My wife and I had been estranged for five years
- I was unhappy in my work and career, feeling stuck in a job with no future that had little connection to my education and dreams
Attempts at Healing
Despite my struggles, I had tried everything to heal and grow:
- Years of therapy and antidepressant drugs
- Four week-long or longer meditation retreats with weekly local meditations and a regular practice
- A nine-day Non-Violent Communication retreat with regular NVC group meetings
- Three years of 12 Step meetings, completing all the steps as guided by my sponsor
The Turning Point: Discovery of MKP
The Catalyst
In early 2004, my close male friend and 12-step sponsor died of cancer. At his funeral service, I realised that the Mankind Project, whose circles I had been attending for the past year, was central to my friend’s life. This realisation led me to make the commitment to attend a New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) in December 2004—what would become the most important weekend of my life.
The Hero’s Journey
At the NWTA, I took back my life. I discovered that behind the sadness and struggling was a playful man who loved connecting with other people. I realised several profound truths:
- I was someone who wanted to be appreciated for what I did for my wife, others, and my employer
- Early in life, I had desperately wanted my parents to tell or show me they loved me, which was never clearly expressed until late in my life
- I had spent my life doing things to get signs of appreciation from my parents, then extended this pattern to everyone, including each of my wives
- Most importantly, I realised I needed no one to tell me I was important—my life was a gift to me and those with whom I connected
- I was worthy of love and was already loved, firstly by myself and then by others
- I could simply be that loving person and pass that blessing along
Building Community: Early MKP Involvement
Finding My Tribe
The men I met through the Mankind Project were committed not just to their own growth but to the service and upliftment of one another. When I staffed NWTAs, I found more appreciation and support than I ever received from employers or other groups. These authentic, emotionally mature, accountable, compassionate, and purpose-driven men became my tribe.
Integration Groups (I-Groups)
The men’s circles that MKP calls Integration Groups became my safe place, where I could be a playful, loving, and purpose-driven person seeking to achieve my mission: to create a world of connection by modelling authenticity.
In the Blue Ridge Mountain district of Southeastern Virginia, I connected closely with dozens of authentic and powerful men in three circles that met weekly or monthly. Through four staffings and other MKP trainings—including Primary Integration Training (PIT), staff trainings, leadership trainings, facilitation trainings, and sweat lodge weekends—I met dozens of men I wanted to emulate.
Leadership and Service: Growing Within MKP
Taking on Responsibilities
From the start of my involvement in I-Groups, I took on the I-Group Representative role to support group development and administration, including:
- Speaking with men interested in visiting my I-Group
- Ensuring each group had agreements governing schedule, attendance, guests, and new members
- Planning special events like retreats for the I-Group members
Community Coordination
As I rethought my mission to “creating a world of connection by building community,” I became involved as a Community Coordinator:
- Northern Virginia: Worked with I-Group Representatives from five groups in the Community to coordinate communication, events, training enrollments, and created a new circle with the support of others.
- Greater Boston: Visited all I-Groups in the community, produced a newsletter, and started two new I-Groups, one of which survived and one that did not
- Training/Staffing Coordinator: Was challenged to serve as Weekend Coordinator for what would have been my sixth NWTA staffing (eventually cancelled due to COVID after I had completed most of the organising work)
Geographic Transitions: MKP as My Bridge
Multiple Moves
Due to my career in academia and government, I had to move nine times after my NWTA. Each time, MKP brothers appeared with pickup trucks, strong arms, and easy laughter, transforming what could have been lonely transitions into celebrations of support and solidarity.
Six of these moves required relocation away from my I-Group, but I could process the chaos with my brothers at the group I was leaving and immediately find new close friends when joining groups in new localities.
The Australian Move
The biggest move came when I agreed with my Australian wife (my fourth wife) to move to Australia. The thought of uprooting my life and venturing to the other side of the world was both exhilarating and terrifying.
True to form, MKP was the bridge that made my crossing possible:
- Brothers provided encouragement, advice, and practical help
- One offered guidance on the visa process and connected me with an immigration attorney
- Another connected me with MKP brothers in Australia
- The community helped me process the challenge of moving away from friends and especially from my son, daughter-in-law and son-in-law, and grandson-in-law
New Beginnings: MKP Australia
Immediate Integration
Within two weeks of arriving in November 2022, I was attending as a Brother Dancer, a New Warrior Training Adventure in Queensland, where I met men with authentic joy and power who invited me to a circle accessible by public transport from my new home in Brisbane. While I didn’t immediately feel like I belonged in this culture, I certainly felt I had a future with these men.
Rapid Leadership Ascension
Following advice from my US I-Group that I shouldn’t wait a year before getting involved in MKP administration, I immediately:
- Jumped onto Council as an observer
- Served as Staffing Coordinator for the March 2023 NWTA
- Committed to the Training Coordinator role for the July 2023 NWTA
In May 2023, when the current President of MKP Queensland Council stepped down, I received blessings from several elders, leaders, and my Brisbane City I-Group to step into that role. I was nominated and elected on the June 2023 Leadership Council call.
Presidential Leadership: Transforming MKP Queensland
Organizational Structure
Stepping into the role of President of MKP Queensland was both a culmination and a new beginning. I worked to create a strong organizational structure:
New Officer Roles Created/Strengthened:
- Administrative Officer and Treasurer (replacing existing ones)
- I-Group Coordinator (unfilled for years previously)
- Council-level Training Coordinator (unfilled for years previously)
Documentation and Communication:
- Created a mechanism to improve communication between an Enrolment Manager and the I-Groups by creating I-Group Enrolment Coordinators, and created an Enrolment Team WhatsApp Group for communications about enrolment.
- Created role descriptions for all positions: I-Group Representative, I-Group Enrolment Coordinator, Enrolment Manager, Councillors, and Council Observers
- Established communication mechanisms between the I-Group Coordinator and the I-Group Reps by establishing a WhatsApp group for that purpose.
Committee Development:
- Strengthened existing committees: Marketing & Social Media, Grants & Fundraising
- Created new committees: Membership, Finance, and Site Selection
Achievements and Growth
Under this leadership structure, MKP Queensland has achieved remarkable success:
Fundraising:
- Raised $50,000 from holding a Swimathon three years running
- Secured significant grants from Coke, Qantas, and Google
- Generated $8,500 from four ‘Sausage Sizzles’ supported by the men
Training Revival: After the COVID pandemic caused a hiatus of trainings for several years, we now conduct three New Warrior Training Adventures annually with 30-36 participants each.
I-Group Facilitation Training: In 2025 the Leader Body started addressing the need for improved facilitation skills in each of the I-Groups by starting a regular online training for 12-15 men to learn a set of standard facilitations that support I-Group processes.
Looking Forward: The Elder Phase
Transition and Legacy
In October 2025, I plan to step down from the role of President of the MKP Leadership Council. I am working with a new elder version of myself, focused more on listening, acknowledging/admiring, mentoring, and blessing (LAMB).
Future Mission
I want to bring my wisdom of 70-plus years in academics, business, government, and now MKP to benefit men who are looking for support from an elder. My gold has always been how I love connection, and I continue to give my love and blessings to each person with whom I connect. My new mission might be:
I create a world of connections by assisting others in fully living a life of mission, meaning and purpose.
Reflection: The Transformative Power of Brotherhood
This journey with the ManKind Project has shown me that so much can happen when hundreds of men discover what I have found—that they are powerful men who want to pass along that gift to other men who want it. From a place of struggle and disconnection, I found authentic community, purpose, and the ability to serve others while continuing to grow myself.
The MKP didn’t just change my life; it gave me the tools and community to help transform the lives of countless other men, creating ripples of positive change that extend far beyond any individual journey.
T.P.Caruso 